Start from respect
Many older adults are careful, experienced and sharp. What they may lack is familiarity with how particular technologies work and how criminals exploit them, and that is a gap anyone could have, regardless of age. Younger people are scammed regularly too. The most useful attitude is to treat an older relative as a capable adult who would benefit from a second pair of eyes, not as someone who needs supervision.
Approach matters. Phrases like “you should know better” or “just let me do it” tend to make people defensive or reluctant to ask again. Phrases like “I’ve seen a few of these lately, want me to show you what they look like?” invite cooperation.
Why scams target older adults
Scammers go where they expect to find money, trust and less familiarity with new tricks. Not every older person fits that picture, but the common pressure tactics are worth knowing. Online scams usually combine one or more of these:
- Urgency, such as a warning that an account will be closed or a grandchild is in trouble.
- Authority, such as claims to be a bank, government office, delivery company or technical support.
- Fear or embarrassment, which discourages the person from telling anyone.
- Affection, in the case of impersonation scams that build a relationship over weeks or months.
Contact arrives by email, text, phone call, social media message or pop-up. Smishing and vishing (scams by text and phone) are common routes, and phishing emails remain widespread. Fake online stores and tech support pop-ups are other frequent ones.
How to explain it well
Use real, simple examples. Show a screenshot of a fake message and point out what gives it away, such as an unexpected request, a sense of panic, a strange sender address or a link to an unfamiliar site.
Teach one core rule. Many families find this one works: “If someone contacts you and asks for money, codes or passwords, stop. Hang up or close the message and contact the organization yourself using a number you already trust.” Real banks and agencies generally do not demand secrecy or immediate payment by gift card or transfer.
Normalize doubt. It is fine to hang up, ignore a message or say “I’ll check with my daughter first.” Make clear that suspicion is a sign of good sense, not rudeness.
Remove the shame. Many people are scammed, and many never tell anyone out of embarrassment. Say clearly that if it ever happens, you want to hear about it quickly, because speed helps. Read about scam recovery steps together beforehand so the plan is already agreed.
Basic settings worth setting up together
Do these in person if possible, explaining each as you go, and write the steps down in large, clear print.
- Software updates. Switch on automatic updates for the phone, tablet or computer, so fixes arrive without effort.
- Screen lock. A PIN or passcode that is not easy to guess (not 1234 or a birth year).
- A password manager or a written system. A reputable password manager is ideal. Some families find a paper notebook kept at home is realistic for people who find software confusing, as long as it is stored safely and not carried around.
- Two-factor authentication on email and banking, where available. Email especially, since it can reset other accounts. Choose a method the person finds comfortable, and note where backup codes are kept.
- Spam and call filtering. Many phones and email services can filter suspected spam and flag unknown callers.
- Privacy and app permissions. Check what apps can see, and remove those that are no longer used.
- Account recovery details. Make sure the recovery phone number and email are current and belong to the person, so they can regain access if locked out.
Share control without taking it
Consider what level of help is right. Some relatives welcome shared access to accounts or a trusted contact listed with their bank. Others value independence and just want a person to call. Ask what they prefer, and be honest about the tradeoffs. If a relative’s memory or judgment is declining, a more formal arrangement may be appropriate, and a lawyer or financial professional can advise on the options.
Avoid secretly installing monitoring software or taking over accounts without discussing it. That damages trust, and it may raise legal and ethical problems.
Make asking easy
- Offer a simple routine, such as a regular call or visit to look at anything suspicious.
- Agree a “check first” habit for unexpected requests, especially anything involving money.
- Keep a short list of phone numbers for the bank, the family and a trusted neighbor.
- Encourage them to take a screenshot or photo of odd messages rather than clicking anything.
Be patient with repeated questions. Learning technology takes practice, and an interface that seems obvious to you can be confusing for someone who has never used it.
Keep the bigger picture in mind
Online life offers older adults real benefits, including video calls with grandchildren, access to services and hobbies. The goal is not to scare relatives away from the internet. It is to give them enough confidence to enjoy it while knowing what to do when something feels wrong.
Revisit the conversation from time to time, because scams change. Ask what they have received lately, listen without judgment, and praise good instincts when they show them. No approach removes the risk entirely, but a relative who feels respected and knows they can call without embarrassment is much better placed to avoid serious harm.